That's what I call her. She doesn't know.
Well, I guess she does now.
Here's how the conversation went....
Me: "Get your new cows yet?"
Annie Oakley from Idaho: "As we speak!!!"
Me: "That is so cool! I wish I was there. I love the picture."
Annie Oakley from Idaho: "The herd. 17 in all."
Me, silently, to myself: "God, can I have some of those too? I promise to pinch every penny. I'll give up getting my hair dyed, my nails shellac'd, eating out and Diet Coke."
"Never mind, Lord. I've had too much coffee. Sorry to distract you from the problems in Israel. Amen."
Annie Oakley from Idaho: "They love their new home!!!!"
Me: "I've been dying to know what's going on up there but didn't want to bug. I'm so glad to hear from you and I love the pictures!"
Annie Oakley from Idaho: "Well, what would you like to know?! We picked these 17 out of about 50. They look pretty good we think."
Me: "They're gorgeous. All pregnant?"
Annie Oakley from Idaho: "Yes, probably in February. They averaged 1400 pounds."
She continued..."Look what else I found...deer!!!!"
I spent the rest of the day contemplating my reason for existing without acres and acres of meadows, farm equipment, sprouting fall wheat, a plethora of my own cattle, and, well, Annie Oakley from Idaho's whole life. Did I mention she's a competitive shooter, too?
AND a mom of two darling, competent farm kids?
AND she makes cupcakes that look like high heels?
AND she digs ponds out of the ground with her husband?
AND she pulls calves out of cows vulva's (sorry to say vulva)?
AND she performs C-sections on cows too?
Do you get it yet?....She's C-O-O-L. Like, with a capital, "C".
Where was I? Oh...I spent the rest of the day contemplating my reason for existing, then I got a voice mail from my mother-in-law, Mamma Sita.
Mamma Sita: "Hey, look in the back seat of your truck, there's a present for you. Anyway, just a little surprise. Talk to you later, Bye-bye."
It was a Jim Shore pumpkin like she has on her coffee table.
Then, I remembered my reason for existing....
If it weren't for me...
These four ducks wouldn't have a chance in you know where.
Poodle wrangler, steer grower, duck care-taker, husband feeder, and Mamma Sita lover.