Sometimes You're The Windshield, Sometimes You're The Bug

If having a visual of where your hamburger comes from would bother you, don't read this post.  Leave now.

Empty your dishwasher instead.

Or fold laundry.

Or watch The Young & The Restless.

Or salt the ice on your porch.

I checked in with Annie Oakley in Idaho a couple of days ago via text.  The following was our conversation.  I love my conversations with her.  It pulls me up out of the mire of life.  It makes me remember that in other places, the sky is blue, the snow is glistening and the cows are....well, you'll see.

Me to her: "Hi!  I love you!  You're my favorite person in the whole world!  You're good at everything and you have a real farm!"

Annie Oakley: "Yup, a real farm.  With real snow and real horses trying to gather real cows in the butt freezing cold."

Me to her: "I understand your frustration but this is great blog material!  Yee-haw!!!!"

Annie Oakley: "The poor horses can barely run in the snow."

Me to her: "Hey, I got a new color of shellac on my nails the other day!  They are painted red and covered with a pink gloss.  They turned out real nice.  Want to see a picture?!!"

Annie Oakley: "Ummmmm, surrrrrre.  Like, maybe later when I feel like I don't have anything important to do."

Annie Oakley: "Here she comes!"

Me to her: "Who?"

Apparently the round-up was unsuccessful because one cow was keeping the herd from being "gather-able".  That is a very scientific term in the cattle ranching industry: GATHER-ABLE.

And when you're causing a problem such as making a herd un-gather-able, this is what happens.

And this:

But then we all get THIS:

On behalf of Jon Farms and myself....HAPPY THURSDAY TO VEGANS EVERYWHERE!

Steer Diddy

This is P Diddy.

This is my steer.

Simon says, "find how both guys match."  Look closely.

P Diddy.

Steer Diddy

I went out to feed Steer Diddy yesterday and he came to breakfast wearing this gold rope thing around his neck.  

Getttin' jiggy wit' it.

This reminds me of when I was a teenager and I'd get all dolled up to run errands with my mom.  She would say, "Uh, you're all decked out for the grocery store?"

So I didn't say anything to Steer Diddy.  I feel ya, man.  I feel ya.

Grappling: A Family Portrait

Do you remember the story I told you about my upbringing in jiu jitsu?  If not, read about it here.

Two weekends ago, some of our gang went on a road trip to Montana.  We tried to stop for family photos. Alas, some kind of grappling ensued instead of the nice wintery picture my mother hoped for.

We tried to line up but then dad started trouble.  It just takes ONE person to stir it up.

This is me in the middle, telling Kate (brother's girlfriend) who is taking pictures to "keep shooting!"  

Everything is a blog post in my mind.  

Back to the grappling...

Dad started it.

My brother finished it.  

There are three things I love about these photos.  

1.)  I love how my husband stayed true to form.  That's hard to do when jiu jitsu is happening five feet from your person.  

2.) I love this one of my dad laughing.  

3.) And this one of my brother with his arm around our dad.  It's all just fun and games.

Until someone ends up in a cone.

A special thanks to Kate for the excellent photography and another to this cute couple for at least one, normal, picture.  One normal photo out of seven ain't bad for this family!

Now, get out there and tackle your sibling!! 

Rrrarr!!

It's Monday.  We all need something to smile about on a Monday, right?

My baby nephew is learning to growl.  I almost can't handle the cuteness!

Pwess pway and smile:

My Wednesday Haps

Time for more hay and duck feed.  Just got home.  I'm going to unload and stack everything by myself.

No, no, it's okay!  I work out.

Okay, B-Lowe isn't home.

Hey, Porterhouse!  How about you come help me with YOUR grub!

I can totally see you, dude!

Where are those ducks?  They need to pull their weight around here.  Little turkeys!

Hey girls!  Come get your heavy scratch and feed bags out of the truck and drop it in your living quarters.

Harriett?  Token?

Nellie?  Anybody?  

I just pulled this 5 foot bailing twine out of the steer's mouth.  It was already chewed up and a ways down his esophagus.  Ever been there?

I'd expound, but apparently Jesse has an errand to run and without posable thumbs, I'm the chauffeur.

I have to do everything around here.  It's hopeless.

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

I'm working my tooshy off getting in shape....

Boot camp three times a week.

Turbokick classes twice a week.

 The treadmill & weights all in between.

My trainer has taken dairy out of my diet.  Which means only my husband gets to drink my beloved goat's milk in our protein shakes.  Which also means no more Honey flavored Greek Yogurt.

Last night at boot camp, we had to jump and hang onto humungous punching bags for 30 seconds, then do 30 push-ups--we did 10 rounds of this torture and that was just the beginning of class.

To make misery worse, this morning, as my husband walked out the door to work, I handed him his protein shake.  To my surprise (not really), his hands were a little full.

He called this breakfast: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

I present to you: A healthy protein shake, a spoon FULL of chocolate frosting and a Coca Cola.

Lord, have mercy on my soul!